She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
