Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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