Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
