M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
