Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
