I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
