I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
