Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i've created a new STD.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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