The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
