I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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