Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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