I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
