Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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