pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
