To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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