Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
