listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
