no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
