drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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