watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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