Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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