No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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