Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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