He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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