1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
