Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
