If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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