Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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