Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
