At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
