I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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