no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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