Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
