I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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