Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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