I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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