and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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