he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
