Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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