remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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