You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
