toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
