I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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