Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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