he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
