paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
