Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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