hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
