How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
