i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
