I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
