his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
