it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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