Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
