You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sext me about skeletons
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
