Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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