You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
