Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
